The Whiggy Tease Presidents Day sale!

The prices at the Whiggy Tease Presidents Day sale are so low, you’ll think we lost our lease. Actually, the prices are so low, you’ll think we are suffering from low self-esteem. You may fear we actually hate ourselves.

Rest assured, Whiggy Tease Nation, nothing could be further from the truth.

Trust us.

Look, we love our customers, and we love Presidents Day because we don’t have to go to our day job, so we want to pass some of this excitement on to you through an insane sale. Based on our market research, you have four favorite Presidents.

So you can go to the Whiggy Tease departments for Abraham Lincoln, James K. Polk, Ronald Reagan and Barack Obama and go crazy.

Every item in each of these stores has been drastically reduced.

But there’s a catch. This sale won’t last forever. In fact, our fellow Americans, this sale ends at our CEO’s bedtime on Monday.

And his bedtime is earlier than you might expect.

Sarah Palin, palm reader.

Sorry this product took so long, but it’s hard to find a professional hand model on short notice, and with all this snow we’ve been having.
So, to Sarah Palin, reading a teleprompter is wrong, but writing on your hand is okay. Maybe you agree, maybe you disagree. But one thing can unite all Americans – while Whiggy Tease was the ninth person or corporation to come up with Palin Palm swag, our swag is the best.

We have shirts, buttons, clocks, tote bags, and of course, coasters. So start yer shoppin. Click here to begin your journey.

You are not yet prepared for what happens after the lovin'.

We here at Whiggy Tease doubts that you are prepared for what comes after the lovin’ on Valentine’s Day.

Hell, we are not all that certain you are necessarily prepared for Valentine’s Day. Look, how can your lover be absolutely certain you love them unless you buy them a Valentine’s Day card from Whiggy Tease?

They can’t be certain, that’s the answer.

So, start shopping. We have 32 cards from which to choose. The first dozen or so are sappy and romantic. After that, they get a tad more aggressive and/or specific. Whatever your needs, we’ve got you covered. Click here to start shopping.
But what happens after Valentine’s Day? What happens on February 15th?

PRESIDENTS’ DAY HAPPENS ON FEBRUARY 15! AND YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR.

We can take care of that here at Whiggy Tease. Click here to start your Presidential Shopping Experience.

We’d like to call your attention to the Lincoln store and the Polk store. There’s some serious new swag in there for our two best Presidents ever. That’s right. Don’t be dissing James K around us. Oh, and don't forget to shop in the O Store for your Obama swag. Don't worry, liberals - he'll get his mojo back.

Finally, it’s not too late into 2010. You can still buy the Presidential swimsuit calendar, Hail to the Beef. Start shopping. Because, after the lovin,’ you want to make sure she’s still in love with you.

This Valentine's Day, get your lover a nice card.

Remember last Valentine’s Day? The card you bought your lover was probably an after-thought.

You were in Target getting kitty litter and you remembered you needed to get a card. Any card. So you wandered over to the card section, remembered that your lover liked politics and history, so you grabbed some card with Barack Obama or George W. Bush on it. And it was okay.

But is “okay” really good enough for your lover? Of course it isn’t. This Valentine’s Day, get your lover a nice card. From Whiggy Tease.

Oh, sure, we have nice cards with Barack Obama, if that’s what you want. We have cards with him and Michelle that read on the inside “You’ll always be my First Lady.” Now, that’s a nice card. Very romantic.

Perhaps you can get a card like that at Target. But can you get a “You’ll always be my First Lady” card at Target featuring the Reagans? How about the Washingtons? Lincolns? Eisenhowers?
How about Grover and Frances Cleveland? Warren and Florence Harding? James K. and Sarah Polk? The Nixons?
Well, you can get cards like that, not at Target but at “My Whiggy Valentine.”

It stuns us how romantic this card is.

But wait, there’s more.

We have cards with different insides, featuring this PDA couple…

… and this lady… … and this guy… But wait, there’s even more. What if you need a card for your mistress?

Whiggy Tease can take care of that too. We also have other cards for other Valentine’s desires, but we’re not going to go into that just now.

So, when you’re in Target, concentrate on the needs of your cat. But when you’re thinking about ways to please your politically-minded lover on Valentine’s Day, come to Whiggy Tease.

So, which card are you going to get your lover?

You need a calendar. We can take care of your needs, and then some.

It’s 2010. America is ready for its Presidential Swimsuit Calendar… from Whiggy Tease, of course.

Whether you call it “twenty-ten” or “two-thousand ten,” we all agree on the fact you need a calendar. You need a calendar of U.S. Presidents frolicking in the surf and by the swimming pool. It’s Commanders-in-Chief. It’s beefcake. That’s right, it’s…

… the Whiggy Tease 2010 Hail to the Beef calendar.

Who’s our target audience on this one? Hell, who ISN’T our target audience? Historians. Politicians. People who love a good beefcake calendar. People who think a beefcake calendar is ridiculous. Those who think our Presidents are awesome, and those who think they become more human with shirts off. Democrats and Republicans will go insane for this item.

We’re not kidding. The Hail to the Beef calendar was off the charts in the focus groups. The words “tingly feeling” were used. Sure, the words “sick, sick, sick” were also used, but we think in a “wicked awesome” kind of way.

President Gerald Ford is Mr. April.

But it’s not about us and our extensive focus grouping. Oh no, it’s about you the beloved Whiggy Tease customer. This calendar is a sure fire conversation starter amongst your friends, relatives and co-workers. It will get you the attention you deserve, plus it will help you keep track of what day of the week St. Patrick’s Day will fall on in 2010.

Also, rest assured that this is a quality product. Look, it's not crap, okay? First, it’s 17 X 11, so it’s a nice big quality calendar. Check that, each picture is 17 X 11 – full bleed. When fully extended, the calendar is 17 X 22. So make some space on your wall for the beef.

President Bill Clinton is Mr. September.

It’s 100 lb cover weight high gloss paper, and it’s all wire-o bound together. In addition, the calendar has oversized date boxes providing plenty of room to write in important events.
What are you waiting for? Get shopping. Click RIGHT HERE to order your calendar.

May God bless you, and may God bless these United States of America. And her beefy Presidents.

What's your New Year's Resolution? To be green? Whiggy Tease can help.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whiggy Tease has heard it all before. This year will be different. This time, you're going to stick to your resolutions for the New Year. In 2010, you're going to quit smoking, you’re going to lose weight, you’re going to get some treatment for that sex addiction problem.

Whatever.

How about a resolution that you can keep? You know, perhaps try to reduce your huge carbon footprint just a little bit. For starters, you can stop with the paper or plastic when you go shopping, and start using those reusable canvass bags.

Whiggy Tease resolves to help you out with that.

Next time you go to the grocery store, why don’t you take Barack Obama with you?


You want to be green, the President wants you to be green. So order the above bag.

Or order the below bag. It doesn’t’ matter to us. Our profit is the same.


Thing is, you need to herby resolve to order some bags. Now, while President Obama is an environmentalist, you can make an even stronger statement. Yes…

… buy your very own Al Gore bag. Take it to the grocery store. Or, take it to your local home improvement store and fill it up with those energy efficient light bulbs.

2010 will be different. 2010 will be better. Thanks to Whiggy Tease.

After she says yes, what happens? Here's a hint - it involves Whiggy Tease.

New Year’s Eve is as good of a time as any to propose to your girlfriend. Now, suppose she says yes. What happens next?

Perhaps you “celebrate,” if you know what we’re saying. We think you do know.

Well, perhaps she calls her parents to tell them the big news. You call your parents. Then perhaps you think about who’s going to be in the wedding party, where you’ll get married and when, and talk about a honeymoon.

But sooner rather than later, you’re going to talk about your wedding registry. Maybe a nice department store, perhaps a Target type big box, and perhaps a specialty shop.

When planning your wedding registry, you need to consider Whiggy Tease.

That’s right. How many towels and plates do you need? You don’t want to be one of those Boring Married Couples, do you? No, you don’t. You’re going to need some cool swag, and there’s no place cooler than your favorite on-line store, Whiggy Tease.

Look, the Whiggy Tease Wedding Registry would be the perfect way for you to get all the Presidential Christmas ornaments you need. The registry is the quickest way to get all the coffee mugs you want. And what about coasters? Good lord man, do we not talk about the necessity of coasters enough here?

You’re also going to go on a honeymoon, right? Look, we can’t help you with everything you need for your honeymoon. We are not Ambiance the Store for Lovers. But are you going somewhere warm? Somewhere near a beach, perhaps? Well then, you’ll need to register for our new beach bags.

It just goes on and on. You need to register at Whiggy Tease.

Here’s how it will work. E-mail Whiggy Tease at whiggytease@hotmail.com. Tell us who you are, when your wedding is and where, and tell us what Whiggy items you want. Or, just tell us your interests and political persuasions and your Whiggy Tease wedding consultant will do the rest for you.

We’re serious.

We’ll create a website just for your wedding. You can e-mail it to all your friends. You can put it in your wedding announcements. Your friends can find it on the Google. You’ll be a Cool Married Couple, and that’s important.

Congratulations on your engagement. Now, let’s start registering!