Dupalicious!

The Whiggy Tease Dupalicious line of Spring fashions are available by clicking at this link. Enjoy.

Casimir
Can you handle this

Ewa

Can you handle this

Jula
Can you handle this

I don't think they can handle this whoooo

Better move
Cause we've arrived

Lookin' sexy
Lookin' fly
Baddest chick
Chick inside
Dj
Polka tonight

Spotted me
A tender thang
There you are
Come on baby
Don't you wanna
Polka with me
Can you handle
Handle me

You gotta do much better
If you're gonna polka with me tonight
You gotta work your pierogi
If you're gonna dance with me tonight
Read my lips carefully, if you like what you see
Move, groove, prove you can hang with me
By the looks I got you shook up and scared of me
Buckle your seatbelt, it's time for takeoff

I don't think you're ready for this pierogi
I don't think you're ready for this pierogi
I don't think you're ready for this
'cause my body's too dupalicious for ya babe

I don't think you're ready for this pierogi
I don't think you're ready for this pierogi
I don't think you're ready for this
'cause my body's too dupalicious for ya

Baby can you handle this
Baby can you handle this
Baby can you handle this
I don't think you can handle this

I'm about to break you off
H-town goin hard
Read my hips
Slap my thighs
Swing my hair

Squint my eyes
Lookin' hot
Smellin' good
Groovin' like
I'm from Warsaw
Over my shoulder
I blow you a kiss

Can you handle
Handle this I don't think you're ready for this pierogi
I don't think you're ready for this pierogi
I don't think you're ready for this
'cause my body's too dupalicious for ya babe

I don't think you're ready for this pierogi
I don't think you're ready for this pierogi
I don't think you're ready for this
'cause my body's too dupalicious for ya babe

Move your body up and down (whoo)
Make your dupa touch the ground (whoo)
I can't help but wonder why
My vibe's too poletastic for you babe

I shake my pierogi at every chance
When I whip with my hips you slip into a trance
I'm hoping you can handle all this jelly that I have
Now let's cut a rug while we dance some polka

I don't think you're ready for this pierogi
I don't think you're ready for this pierogi
I don't think you're ready for this
'cause my body's too dupalicious for ya babe

Available soon as a ringtone.

Sorry, Flo. It will always be The Jake to us.

It’s not like we want to upset Flo from Progressive Insurance. On the contrary. We here at Whiggy Tease find ourselves strangely attracted to her. Very strangely attracted.

However, the baseball stadium that sits below the Whiggy Tease World Headquarters in Cleveland will never be known as “Progressive Field” to us. It’s still Jacobs Field, or as we locals call it, “The Jake.”

So we’ve got a t-shirt for that.

What we’re lacking in a fancy design, or originality for that matter, we make up for in volume. There are tons of items with this design, and an even simpler alternative design, on sale now in our section just for Cleveland sports fans. Click here to visit.

But it ain’t just about our local ballpark. It’s about all ballparks. Look, we love capitalism as much as anyone, but the purchases of stadium naming rights by large corporations just make us want to vomit in our collective mouths. You know?

So in our Misc. Nonsense section, we have shirts for our beloved customers/baseball fans across the country. Chicago is our kind of town…

We like Toronto as well. It's actually very important to our 2010 Marketing Plan that Whiggy gets into the Canadian market.

As for New York, we reckon a new stadium should keep the old stadium’s name.

We have a series we’ll do for football stadiums, but we’ll start selling those in August.

Baseball season starts Monday. Yes, we aren’t counting the Sunday night game between the Yankees and the Red Sox, just to punish ESPN for shoving that matchup down our throat for the first of 64 times this season.

Start shopping. Play ball.

This is a Big Deal, indeed.

If you tuned in to see President Obama sign the health care bill, this is what you saw...


Perhaps your reaction was “Wow, that’s funny.” Or you may have thought, “Oh dear, that’s unfortunate.” Maybe your mood turned angry . “After all that hard work,” you may have thought, and Biden goes and ruins the moment.”

At Whiggy Tease, we thought, “Now, how can we make money off of this?”

Uh, we mean, “Our customers would be interested in this, how can we best serve them with a quality and timely product?”

Our first product is perhaps the most obvious.

Next, we have more of a general shirt that should have a longer shelf life.

Thinking ahead, but not too far ahead, is this item…

… this is also available as a golf shirt.

Finally, we have this offering.

All of these shirts are available at our front page, which you can get to by clicking here. You can also find variations on this theme in The O Store at this here link.

You’re welcome, America.

It's the Whiggy Tease Beach Party!

St. Patrick’s Day is over. The college basketball tournament has begun. This can only mean Spring Break is right around the corner!

Are you ready?

Do you have everything you need? Let us answer that question for you. “No, you are not ready.”

You need to shop at the Whiggy Tease Beach Party, because you need a beach bag.

We have plenty to choose from. We have bags for conservatives…

… and we have bags for liberals...

In fact, we have bags for everyone.

Shop around , as there’s more waiting for you at the Whiggy Tease Beach Party.

Barack Obama is coming to town, and you have nothing to wear.

President Barack Obama is coming to Cleveland next week to give some speech on health care and, we are optimistic, tour the Whiggy Tease World Headquarters building.

Perhaps you’re going to the speech. You have nothing to wear. We can fix that.

Or perhaps you don’t live near Cleveland, but you need some Obama swag. Whiggy Tease can fix that too. We have the Obama font, you know, and we’ve been hard at work.

The focus group seemed to like this shirt…

… and the bumper sticker to match…
… and the variation on that bumper sticker.
Others told us that George Bush was yesterday’s target. Today’s target? Tea baggers. So, we can take care of that for you with this shirt…
… or that shirt, which is much more artistically interesting.
Oh, we at Whiggy Tease know we have conservative customers as well. Have you seen our new Reagan gym bag?
We have shirts for Obama fans who want to take a subtle, yet retro dig, at Sarah Palin…
We also have shirts for people who don’t do subtle… Or people who are more aggressive...

But wait, there’s more.

Whiggy Tease also has shirts for people who want to make a, well, different kind of statement...

Finally, there’s this lovely retro shirt.
All of this is available in THE O STORE, along with last year’s line of coffee mugs, mouse pads, beer steins and the like.

So, stimulate the economy. Buy now. Click right here. Everything is on sale until Easter.

Whiggy Tease has the Obama Font, and we aren't afraid to use it!

Whiggy Tease has secured the official Obama font. We are not afraid to use it. In fact, we’ve already created some official looking Obama swag with it, and we’re ready to sell it to you. Warm up your credit card.

First, you need a bumper sticker…


It’s not only clever, it’s really clever. It’s a throwback to the 1964 Goldwater vs. LBJ race, and you know how excited we are about such things here at Whiggy Tease. Do you have 9 friends? Then, buy a 10 pack. Do you have 99 friends? If so, maybe you want to buy a pack of 100.

A similar design is also available on a line of shirts…

We also have an Obama response to Sarah Palin's taunt about how that "hopey-changey thing" is working out...

All of this, and plenty more, is available in The O Store. So, why don’t you start stimulating the economy and start shopping? Click here to begin your journey.

Now that Whiggy Tease has the Obama font, can we now make a ton more of official looking, yet slightly more aggressive, Obama swag for you?

Yes we can.

Survey says!

The assignment for the Whiggy Tease interns was simple. Using the Google, sniff around to see what kinds of other political and historical swag our competitors were making. Bring us examples, and we’ll copy them, er, we will make them even better.

So our interns reported the following: “There’s a lot of ‘WORST PRESIDENT EVER’ stuff out there. It’s mostly with George W. Bush, but of course, the tea baggers are making stuff with Obama on it.”

It seems that “WORST PRESIDENT EVER” is the “MEAN PEOPLE SUCK” of 2010. So, we decided to make a George W. Bush WORST PRESIDENT EVER shirt, and here it is…

It’s a lovely product. But here’s the problem… is it stale? Is it too old to be fresh, and is it not old enough to be retro? Also, and here’s the more important question… is it true? Is George W. Bush the WORST PRESIDENT EVER?

So, we sent the interns back to the Google machine, and they reported that according to some historians that C-SPAN found, George W. Bush is not the WORST PRESIDENT EVER.

Using a complicated formula which weighs Public Persuasion, Crisis Leadership, Economic Management, Moral Authority, International Relations, Administrative Skills, Relations with Congress, Vision/Setting an Agenda, Pursued Equal Justice For All and Performance Within Context of Times, 64 historians determined the five worst presidents to be James Buchanan, Andrew Johnson, Franklin Pierce, William Henry Harrison and, of course…
… Warren G. Harding. Warren G. Harding, the shame of the Buckeye State.

We have created shirts for all of these WORST PRESIDENTS EVER and made them available in our brand new “Hall of Presidents” section in the Historical Stuff store.

But then, we reflected on the “Mean People Suck” bumper sticker of the early 90’s. Are we being mean? And if we are being mean, as such, do we in fact suck?

So we sent the interns back to the Google to find another Presidential survey. By now, they were at Happy Hours. They sent us back one of those text messages with a link to something called Nerve with a ranking of The Top 43 Sexiest Presidents.

So, for the ladies, we offer shirts featuring Nerve’s Top 5. Franklin Pierce, he of the WORST PRESIDENT EVER ranking, returns at #5.

Next is Thomas Jefferson, followed by…

... Barack Obama. Of Obama, Nerve said “Smart, funny, and have you seen him with his shirt off? Barack Obama is a damn sexy man, with a damn sexy wife.”

JFK was #2. And coming in at #1 was…

Yes, Teddy Roosevelt. We’ll let Nerve explain…

“At first glance, Roosevelt may be a strange choice for number one, but the guy had everything. He wasn't the best-looking president, but he was damn handsome. He was in ridiculously good shape and a rugged outdoorsman. He cared passionately about the environment, bravely lead the way into battle, and fought against corruption in every office he held.

"Theodore Roosevelt was so sexy that if he slept with your girlfriend, you'd be flattered. He's part Chuck Norris (meme Chuck Norris, not actual Chuck Norris), part Evel Knievel, part John Wayne, and part Daniel Craig. He was the most popular man in America for a reason, and our sexiest president ever.”

So, there you go America. Now, start shopping.

The Whiggy Tease Presidents Day sale!

The prices at the Whiggy Tease Presidents Day sale are so low, you’ll think we lost our lease. Actually, the prices are so low, you’ll think we are suffering from low self-esteem. You may fear we actually hate ourselves.

Rest assured, Whiggy Tease Nation, nothing could be further from the truth.

Trust us.

Look, we love our customers, and we love Presidents Day because we don’t have to go to our day job, so we want to pass some of this excitement on to you through an insane sale. Based on our market research, you have four favorite Presidents.

So you can go to the Whiggy Tease departments for Abraham Lincoln, James K. Polk, Ronald Reagan and Barack Obama and go crazy.

Every item in each of these stores has been drastically reduced.

But there’s a catch. This sale won’t last forever. In fact, our fellow Americans, this sale ends at our CEO’s bedtime on Monday.

And his bedtime is earlier than you might expect.

Sarah Palin, palm reader.

Sorry this product took so long, but it’s hard to find a professional hand model on short notice, and with all this snow we’ve been having.
So, to Sarah Palin, reading a teleprompter is wrong, but writing on your hand is okay. Maybe you agree, maybe you disagree. But one thing can unite all Americans – while Whiggy Tease was the ninth person or corporation to come up with Palin Palm swag, our swag is the best.

We have shirts, buttons, clocks, tote bags, and of course, coasters. So start yer shoppin. Click here to begin your journey.

You are not yet prepared for what happens after the lovin'.

We here at Whiggy Tease doubts that you are prepared for what comes after the lovin’ on Valentine’s Day.

Hell, we are not all that certain you are necessarily prepared for Valentine’s Day. Look, how can your lover be absolutely certain you love them unless you buy them a Valentine’s Day card from Whiggy Tease?

They can’t be certain, that’s the answer.

So, start shopping. We have 32 cards from which to choose. The first dozen or so are sappy and romantic. After that, they get a tad more aggressive and/or specific. Whatever your needs, we’ve got you covered. Click here to start shopping.
But what happens after Valentine’s Day? What happens on February 15th?

PRESIDENTS’ DAY HAPPENS ON FEBRUARY 15! AND YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR.

We can take care of that here at Whiggy Tease. Click here to start your Presidential Shopping Experience.

We’d like to call your attention to the Lincoln store and the Polk store. There’s some serious new swag in there for our two best Presidents ever. That’s right. Don’t be dissing James K around us. Oh, and don't forget to shop in the O Store for your Obama swag. Don't worry, liberals - he'll get his mojo back.

Finally, it’s not too late into 2010. You can still buy the Presidential swimsuit calendar, Hail to the Beef. Start shopping. Because, after the lovin,’ you want to make sure she’s still in love with you.

This Valentine's Day, get your lover a nice card.

Remember last Valentine’s Day? The card you bought your lover was probably an after-thought.

You were in Target getting kitty litter and you remembered you needed to get a card. Any card. So you wandered over to the card section, remembered that your lover liked politics and history, so you grabbed some card with Barack Obama or George W. Bush on it. And it was okay.

But is “okay” really good enough for your lover? Of course it isn’t. This Valentine’s Day, get your lover a nice card. From Whiggy Tease.

Oh, sure, we have nice cards with Barack Obama, if that’s what you want. We have cards with him and Michelle that read on the inside “You’ll always be my First Lady.” Now, that’s a nice card. Very romantic.

Perhaps you can get a card like that at Target. But can you get a “You’ll always be my First Lady” card at Target featuring the Reagans? How about the Washingtons? Lincolns? Eisenhowers?
How about Grover and Frances Cleveland? Warren and Florence Harding? James K. and Sarah Polk? The Nixons?
Well, you can get cards like that, not at Target but at “My Whiggy Valentine.”

It stuns us how romantic this card is.

But wait, there’s more.

We have cards with different insides, featuring this PDA couple…

… and this lady… … and this guy… But wait, there’s even more. What if you need a card for your mistress?

Whiggy Tease can take care of that too. We also have other cards for other Valentine’s desires, but we’re not going to go into that just now.

So, when you’re in Target, concentrate on the needs of your cat. But when you’re thinking about ways to please your politically-minded lover on Valentine’s Day, come to Whiggy Tease.

So, which card are you going to get your lover?