Obama to give speech to American students. This is a.) good, b.) or bad, and c.) needs swag.

On Tuesday, the President of the United States is scheduled to give a short speech to students in American schools.

What is the speech all about?

In the address, President Barack Obama will welcome students back to school and encourage them to study hard because education is important.

You would believe that, if you were a godless Socialist intent on ruining America.

You see, Obama’s speech will evidently be about the indoctrination of your children. Students will be taught the evil of coal burning industrial plants, the SUV you drove them to school in, and the traditional values you tried so hard to instill in them.

Oh, you would believe that, if you were one of those right-wing tea bagging nut jobs who lets Glenn Beck do your thinking for you. You candidate lost last year, so, just suck it up.

What does Whiggy Tease believe? We’ll tell you what Whiggy Tease believes. Whiggy Tease believes it’s time for you to get your credit cards out, because we’ve got some merchandise for you.

First, for you folks who believe that not only is the President’s speech a wonderful idea, but your kids need a special shirt just for it, we proudly present the following…

Ahh. That’s cute isn’t it?

Now, if believe this speech is just another step in Obama’s Sinister Plan, well, we’ve got a shirt for you as well…

(If you have trouble reading the small print, it says "'You must learn to obey... You don't want Grandma to talk to the Death Panel, do you?'")

Order right now, and you might get your swag by Tuesday. Click here to start your shopping experience.