Obama to give speech to American students. This is a.) good, b.) or bad, and c.) needs swag.

On Tuesday, the President of the United States is scheduled to give a short speech to students in American schools.

What is the speech all about?

In the address, President Barack Obama will welcome students back to school and encourage them to study hard because education is important.

You would believe that, if you were a godless Socialist intent on ruining America.

You see, Obama’s speech will evidently be about the indoctrination of your children. Students will be taught the evil of coal burning industrial plants, the SUV you drove them to school in, and the traditional values you tried so hard to instill in them.

Oh, you would believe that, if you were one of those right-wing tea bagging nut jobs who lets Glenn Beck do your thinking for you. You candidate lost last year, so, just suck it up.

What does Whiggy Tease believe? We’ll tell you what Whiggy Tease believes. Whiggy Tease believes it’s time for you to get your credit cards out, because we’ve got some merchandise for you.

First, for you folks who believe that not only is the President’s speech a wonderful idea, but your kids need a special shirt just for it, we proudly present the following…

Ahh. That’s cute isn’t it?

Now, if believe this speech is just another step in Obama’s Sinister Plan, well, we’ve got a shirt for you as well…

(If you have trouble reading the small print, it says "'You must learn to obey... You don't want Grandma to talk to the Death Panel, do you?'")

Order right now, and you might get your swag by Tuesday. Click here to start your shopping experience.

All dressed up and nowhere to go. Happy Furlough Day!

It’s better than layoffs. It’s better than layoffs.

When you know you’re going to work tomorrow, perhaps you like to put out your clothes the night before. You’ll take the time to pick out something sharp. Or at least something that comes close to matching and isn’t all that wrinkled.

But what do you do when the sucky economy… or other factors… means that tomorrow you aren’t going to work because you have a furlough day? What the hell are you going to wear then?

For those who don’t work for the government or the private sector, a furlough day is a day you don’t have to go to work (whooo), but you aren’t getting paid (boooo).

So, it’s not like an earned vacation day, where you have the money to go out and have some real fun. Sure, it ain’t unemployment – but it ain’t fun. It’s kind of like Temporary Purgatory.

Let’s return to the original question. It’s your furlough day – what are you going to wear?

Whiggy Tease feels your pain. We hear your question, and here is our answer…

Yes. It’s the official Whiggy Tease Furlough Day line. Buy it now in our Misc. Nonsense store, and wear it every time you have a furlough day.

Say you’re home on a Monday. The Nosy Retired Neighbor Next Door will wonder why you’re home on a Monday, doing something peculiar like cutting the lawn at 7 AM. The shirt gives him the answer – you’re not unemployed, you’re not on vacation, you have a furlough day.

The red type warns him to stay away. The cartoony bad word replacement makes it crystal clear that you don’t think a furlough day is a good thing. Despite the word “happy” on the shirt.

Now, we suggested there is a “line” of furlough wear. That’s an exaggeration. This item only comes in one color – bright yellow. The color of caution. After you wear it a few times, folks will recognize it just from the bright yellow color.

Wear it while you’re cutting your lawn. Wear it when you’re grocery shopping at 10 AM, or seeing a weekday matinee of “Jennifer’s Body.”

Or wear it to your favorite watering hole. Your beloved bar probably opens earlier than you think. You wouldn’t know, of course, because you’re usually at work.

It’s better than layoffs. It’s better than layoffs.

There’s no place like home.

We didn't become Internet Millionaires without listening to our customers.

There are several things we aren’t wild about hearing before we’ve had our third cup of coffee in the morning. “Do you smell something burning?” is one of them.

“No, I don’t have the baby. I thought YOU had the baby,” is another good one.

But following closely behind is “I need to talk to you urgently.”

That’s what your Whiggy Tease founder heard early this morning. It was followed by the phrase, “We have an idea for a shirt.”

It was followed by the more important, “Design it and we’ll buy it.”

Look, we didn’t become Internet Millionaires without listening to our customers.

The customer’s idea was based on something she saw in a bar. Or on a bus, or maybe it was something she had a dream about. Again, we hadn’t had our third cup of coffee yet. Anyway, the t-shirt saying was “Save the Earth! It’s the only planet with chocolate.”

Clever.

We like it because it’s a hippy message with a bait and switch. You expect “Save the Earth” to be followed with something about recycling. Or composting. Or cap and trade, or loving each other. But “it’s the only planet with chocolate” is clever and unexpected, and it appeals to chocoholics which is a market that Whiggy Tease is yet to tap into.

Until, of course, our Chocolate William Howard Tafts come out in April.

So, here it is, on sale now in the Display Window of “Misc. Nonsense.”

This led to follow up conversations. “I know! ‘It’s the only planet with bacon.’”

I know this to not be true, but I know a lot of people who like bacon, so …

This leads to the next one, and there certainly is an audience for it...

We might do one that says “football,” but we’ll save that for another day.

Or what about this? “Save the Earth! It’s the only planet with coffee.”