See these people? They’re lined up in the middle of the night outside some Wal-Mart for a lame Christmas sale. They’re cold, they’re exchanging germs, and some of them are probably going to get hurt. And for what? A cheap DVR player?
These people are morons.
You, however, are not a moron. That’s why you’re going to monitor this site daily for announcements of the latest Whiggy Tease 48 Hour Christmas Sale Extravaganza for Non-Morons.
We’ll have a bunch of these sales between now and Christmas. You can shop from home. No crowds, no cold, no germs, and nobody gets hurt. You don’t even have to get dressed.
Let us assure you, Whiggy Tease Nation, that we aren’t putting our crappy merchandise on sale. No sir. Our 48 Hour Christmas Sale Extravaganzas for Non-Morons will only feature our best and most popular items at prices so low, our accountant will be furious with us. But she’s not around right now, so let’s get started…
How do you like your coffee? Perhaps black and strong. You know, like you like your President?
Well then, you need the Barack Obama coffee mug, available in regular and large size. You like coffee? The President likes coffee! It’s a coffee mug you can believe in.
Perhaps you are a conservative. Well, we are putting our most popular item on sale…
Oh snap, we did not! Yes, we did! It’s our Ronald Reagan Christmas ornament. We’ve had customers buy twelve of these at a time. Seriously. And now we’ve lowered the price as low as we possibly can! How many will you buy?
And for historians, we are putting our most popular design on sale…
Yes, you can show that you opposed the evil Kansas-Nebraska Act with this shirt. Keep in mind we said the design was on sale. That’s right, every item in the Kansas-Nebraska shop is on sale, and that includes aprons, coasters, mouse pads and tote bags.
Merry Christmas Whiggy Tease Nation. Start shopping, as this sale ends on Sunday.
No comments:
Post a Comment