Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Don't put that drink down! Use a coaster! From Whiggy Tease!



We’ve heard you. You love the “You Lie/No, You Lie” series. Not only do you love it, your credit cards went through without a hitch.

So we want to give you more. We could simply slap “You Lie!” and “No, You Lie” on coffee mugs and onesies, but we sense you want something a little more clever.

That’s why we kept the Whiggy Tease Research & Development team hard at work coming up with our “You Lie” historical series of coasters.

Here’s how the thinking went. Most folks reckon that Joe Wilson shouldn’t have screamed “You Lie” at President Obama last week. It was rude, it wasn’t classy, and while we can differ about Obamacare, the President wasn’t actually lying in that particular line that prompted Wison’s scream.

However, there are many proclamations by Presidents that, in retrospect, could have been improved by someone screaming “You lie!”

For instance, as captured on our first coaster, is George W. Bush’s “yellow cake” line at his State of the Union address…

Note that the “You Lie” is in Democratic blue, and it’s coming from the Democratic side of the aisle. Probably from Dennis Kucinich, but you can pretend it’s from anyone.

Before you conservatives get all upset at your Whiggy Tease R&D team, may we offer this coaster?

Yes, it’s Bill Clinton’s famous finger-waving “I did not have nasty and kinky relations with that woman” statement. The “You Lie” is now in Republican red, but careful observers will note that the balloon seems to be pointing at the exact spot where then First Lady Hillary Clinton was standing.

Next, it’s the most famous convention speech lie that our R&D team could think of last night…

That’s right, it’s George Herbert Walker Bush asking you to read his lips, as they’re promising “No New Taxes.”

Next is Richard Nixon…

… telling you that the American people have the right to know whether or not their President is a crook. “Well,” he vowed, “I’m not a crook.” How did that turn out?

So, we could go on and on like that. But we chose not to.

Instead, we decided to explore inappropriate heckling at speeches where politicians were giving a nice, honest speech. How would history have been altered by someone screaming “You lie” at, say, the Gettysburg address…

Or, William Jenning Bryan’s “Cross of Gold” speech in 1896?
What about the Patrick Henry “Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death” speech in 1775?
Perhaps FDR’s “Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself” inaugural address?
You understand why these are on coasters, to be enjoyed by people drinking beer, right?

Finally, the favorite coaster of the Whiggy Tease team is of President Kennedy’s speech at the Berlin Wall…

… because he is being heckled in German.

Buy one, or buy the whole set of coasters. What’s important is that you buy right now. All of the coasters are available in our “Ripped from the Headlines” department of our “Modern Politics” store.

But what if you don’t have a bar in your basement? Or what if you don’t have friends over for coffee often? What need do you have for coasters, even coasters so insanely awesome as these?

Did we mention they’re TILE coasters? So, in theory, you could retile your bathroom with them, or perhaps spruce up the tile backsplash in your kitchen.

By the way, these coasters are dishwasher safe.

That’s not a lie.

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