Woodrow Wilson: History's Worst Monster?

Once a week, all work comes to a halt at the Whiggy Tease World Headquarters when our local alternative paper hits the streets. If your alternative paper is anything like our alternative paper, and we suspect it is, it includes the popular alternative comic strip “This Modern World” by Tom Tomorrow.

Here is a link to Mr. Tomorrow’s latest effort.

The last panel reminded us of something we had blocked out.

Glenn Beck hates Woodrow Wilson as no other semi-rational American does. Beck probably does consider Wilson to be one of History’s Greatest Monsters, if he doesn’t consider him to actually be History’s Greatest Monster.

Which leads us to our latest Whiggy Tease item. Are you in the Target Audience for our latest product? Perhaps you let Glenn Beck do your thinking for you, and you do actually believe that Woodrow Wilson is History’s Greatest Monster. If so, you're in the Tartet Audience.

Or, perhaps you think Glenn Beck is nuts, and thus, the notion that Wilson is HGM is nuts to you – but you like to wear nutty and ironic t-shirts. If so, you too are in the Target Audience.

So, now that we’ve cast a net around 99% of all Americans…

… it’s our Woodrow Wilson: History’s Greatest Monster shirt.

It’s perfect for you, it’s perfect for your brother-in-law who loves Glenn Beck, it’s perfect for, frankly, just about everyone.

But wait, there’s more. We also have keepsake boxes, ceramic coasters, framed tiles, water bottles, hoodies for kids and much, much more.

It’s all available in the Woodrow Wilson store. Start shopping.

It's our Founder's Birthday - and you get the gifts!

The Founder of Whiggy Tease is “celebrating” a birthday. Truth be told, he’s not fond of his birthday anymore, but there’s no reason why you can’t be fond of it, because Whiggy Tease is having a Founder’s Birthday Sale. We’re putting some of his favorite items on sale, so shop away.

For starters, there’s the popular Kansas-Nebraska Act shirt…

Next, there’s the Miss Malarky Ying Yang cat bowl, to celebrate Jimmy Carter’s kitty cat…

And before there was W the President, there was Q the President…

Then, there’s the actual logo used in Winston Churchill’s 1951 comeback campaign…

With Christmas coming up, you need a James K. Polk ornament…

One of our best sellers is the Hamilton-Burr Duel shirt…

We take a short break from the birthday celebration of our founder to mark what would have been the 94th birthday of our founder’s grandfather last Friday. He was 100% good and 100% Polish (the two quite often go together), and he wore a lot of Polish swag, so he would have enjoyed this Solidarity cap…

Let’s keep it in the family. Here’s an item designed by our founder’s five-year-old daughter. It’s the "I Love America" kids shirt…

Here’s an item that hits a little close to home. Happy Furlough Day to you too!

All of our “You Lie” historical coasters are on sale now, including this one…

Finally, here’s an issue that is of great importance to all of us here at Whiggy Tease, and we’re sure it’s of importance to you too...

Please, together, we can Stop Ethnic Cleansing in Fredonia. If we can do that, it would be the Best Birthday Present Ever.

Martin.

It’s a little known fact that comedian/actor Martin Lawrence was named after Martin Van Buren, our eighth President. But it is indeed true.

This would of course explain the somewhat forced references to the Panic of 1837, the Aroostook War and the Caroline Affair in Lawrence’s 1990’s sitcom, “Martin.”

Today Whiggy Tease celebrates our two favorite Martins with our new Martin Van Buren swag…

“That’s clever,” you are now thinking. “Why, that’s especially clear.”

Yes, our Martin line was designed by occasional Whiggy Tease contributor, Eric in Toledo. That’s why it’s so clever. But, you did think the Christmas ornaments and dog dishes were clever, didn’t you?

In addition to the usual shirts, we are selling Martin bumper stickers and refrigerator magnets.

The Martin line is available at our Café Press home page. We’ll move it in a few days when the Martin Van Buren department opens up in the Historical Stuff store.

Our fellow Americans, start decorating your Christmas tree.

It’s getting cold, at least here at Whiggy Tease World Headquarters. Perhaps it’s cold where you live. So you know what that means? Right?

Christmas!

Whiggy Tease is ready for Christmas. And once you find your valid credit card, you too can get ready for Christmas by buying a few of our Presidential Portrait Christmas Tree ornaments.
Yes, we have a James K. Polk Christmas ornament. But there are also plenty more where that came from.

You need a Whiggy Tease Presidential Portrait Christmas Tree ornament to make your tree complete. Buy an ornament of your favorite president. Perhaps you have a spouse? Buy an ornament with their favorite president. A kid or two or more? They too must be represented by their favorite president.

Perhaps you’re the partisan type. Perhaps you love the Republicans, so perhaps you should buy the entire collection of Republican presidents. Same if you’re a Democrat. Or a Whig.

Or say you’re running a major political organization, like say the Ohio Democratic Party or the South Carolina Republican Party. You’re going to have a Christmas tree in your office soon – decorate it with your party’s favorite presidents.

Let’s face it, Christmas brings up many gift buying problems. What to get that partisan blowhard on your wife’s side for Christmas? Or, where do you find a clever inexpensive gift to give a co-worker to fulfill the office gift exchange requirement? The answer to both questions? A Presidential Portrait Christmas Tree ornament!

Or say you’re celebrating 25 years of happy marriage. What better way to look back than by getting ornaments of all the Presidents who’ve served during your 25 years of marriage? It’s nostalgic, it’s romantic, it’s smart and classy – it’s what Whiggy Tease is all about.

As of this evening, we have ornaments for the following: Abraham Lincoln, Polk, Ronald Reagan, Barack Obama, Rutherford B. Hayes, Thomas Jefferson, Lyndon Johnson, Zachary Taylor, Warren G. Harding, James Monroe, John Quincy Adams, Martin Van Buren, Woodrow Wilson, William McKinley, Theodore Roosevelt, Millard Fillmore, William Howard Taft, Jimmy Carter, Herbert Hoover, Harry Truman, George W. Bush, Franklin Roosevelt, Andrew Johnson and Andrew Jackson. More are on the way. Please be patient, Gerald Ford fans.

What better way to teach your child about American history than through the series of Whiggy Tease Presidential Portrait Christmas Tree ornaments?

But wait, there’s more.

If you have some Brits on your Christmas list, there’s also a Margaret Thatcher ornament, plus a Tony Blair ornament. We’re working on the Winston Churchill, but don’t bother holding your breath for the John Major and certainly don’t count on ever seeing a Gordon Brown. Okay? Don’t get us started on Gordon Brown.

According to our friends at CafePress, these ornaments are made of “high quality porcelain.” Each one measurers 2.3” by 3.5” and includes a red ribbon for hanging. Each ornament is hand painted.*

Baby, it’s cold outside. But you can warm up, and start to get in the holiday mood, by buying some Christmas ornaments right now. Click here to start your shopping experience.

* Surely, you understand we made that last part up. Regardless, the ornaments are really nice.

Whiggy Tease goes to the dogs. And cats.

By now, we’re certain you own, or have on Christmas Layaway, Whiggy Tease items for yourself, your significant other, your children, various relatives, friends and co-workers. Perhaps you’ve even purchased something for a frenemy or two.

But what about your pets? What does Whiggy Tease, America’s Favorite On-Line Store for Political and Historical Swag, have to offer your pet?

We’re glad you asked.

We’ve spent the weekend focus grouping a series of Presidential Pet Bowls. They scored 8.5 on the very complicated Whiggy Tease Ten Point Scoring System. Said one member of the focus group, “I think I’d consider it hilarious to watch my dog drink out of a replica of the personalized food dish used by the president’s dog.”

Our fellow Americans, let the hilarity begin.

There’s a bowl for the current first dog, Bo…

… please note the modern White House logo, and the fact that Bo’s name is in Democratic Blue.

There’s a Barney bowl, after President George W. Bush’s dog…

… you will note that not only is the dog’s name in Republican Red, the font used is “Elephant.” Do you understand how much work we here at Whiggy Tease put into these things?

Also on sale are bowls for Ike’s dog “Heidi,” Gerald Ford’s dog “Liberty,” and LBJ’s beagles “Him” and “Her.” Let us not forget Bill Clinton's chocolate lab, "Buddy."

“I don’t have a dog,” said the Whiggy Tease focus group participant.

Well, we have cat stuff. Yeah, there’s the Socks dish. But more importantly, there’s a dish for Jimmy Carter’s cat, Misty Malarky Ying Yang.

Yes. It seemed that President Carter not only solicited foreign policy advice from his daughter Amy, he also gave her complete control over the pet naming.

Before you ask, there is no “Checkers” dish yet, because right now we’re focusing on Presidential-level pets. Checkers never made it to the White House.

Our favorite dish in this soon-to-be expanding series is the Fala dish, in honor of FDR’s dog. Note the retro White House logo. Again, time + thought X hard work = quality.

You know, Checker’s had a speech, but frankly, we think it paled to FDR’s famous Fala Speech:

These Republican leaders have not been content with attacks on me, or my wife, or on my sons. No, not content with that, they now include my little dog, Fala. Well, of course, I don't resent attacks, and my family doesn't resent attacks, but Fala does resent them.

You know, Fala is Scotch, and being a Scottie, as soon as he learned that the Republican fiction writers in Congress and out had concocted a story that I had left him behind on the Aleutian Islands and had sent a destroyer back to find him - at a cost to the taxpayers of two or three, or eight or twenty million dollars- his Scotch soul was furious. He has not been the same dog since.

I am accustomed to hearing malicious falsehoods about myself - such as that old, worm-eaten chestnut that I have represented myself as indispensable. But I think I have a right to resent, to object to libelous statements about my dog.

Shop away, as the Presidential Pets department in the “Historical Stuff” store is now open. Bo the Dog has his own department in “Modern Politics,” but you knew that.

Brown out.

Cleveland Browns coach Eric Mangini has a strange way of thinking. What we mean is he seems to be quite the idiot.

Tony Grossi of the Plain Dealer reported over the weekend on why Mangini is dressing the boys in hideous brown pants for all road games this year:

The Browns intend to wear brown pants and white jerseys on the road all season. Mangini said he decided on the radical look because he thought it looked good "and the guys felt the same way." Players also find the brown pants more comfortable and less restrictive because of the absence of a stripe down the legs.

"There was no bigger part to that decision," Mangini said.

So, what’s the excuse after Sunday’s loss?

We here at Whiggy Tease are certain the brown pants didn’t help them play better. We are also certain that the Pittsburgh Steelers, who wear the widest pants stripe in the NFL, are not held back by their uniforms, if recent Super Bowls are any indication.

Frankly, we reckon Mangini’s lethargic play calling is a tad more restrictive than any fashion decision. That, and his drawn out quarterback derby. It seemed like Brady Quinn could have used a few more reps with the first team in August, don’t you think?

But this is not a sports blog. It’s an info blog, and we’ve got product to push.

The anti-brown pants shirts are now on sale at a reduced price, as are the buttons.

And now that the Browns are mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, we’ve lowered the price on the “Still Waiting in Cleveland” swag.


So, the Browns stink. We’re used to it. But if they’re going to stink, they might as well dress properly, like the old Browns of Otto Graham, Jim Brown and Bernie Kosar.

Instead of dressing like centaurs. Nobody likes centaurs.

All items are available by clicking right here.

Don't put that drink down! Use a coaster! From Whiggy Tease!

We’ve heard you. You love the “You Lie/No, You Lie” series. Not only do you love it, your credit cards went through without a hitch.

So we want to give you more. We could simply slap “You Lie!” and “No, You Lie” on coffee mugs and onesies, but we sense you want something a little more clever.

That’s why we kept the Whiggy Tease Research & Development team hard at work coming up with our “You Lie” historical series of coasters.

Here’s how the thinking went. Most folks reckon that Joe Wilson shouldn’t have screamed “You Lie” at President Obama last week. It was rude, it wasn’t classy, and while we can differ about Obamacare, the President wasn’t actually lying in that particular line that prompted Wison’s scream.

However, there are many proclamations by Presidents that, in retrospect, could have been improved by someone screaming “You lie!”

For instance, as captured on our first coaster, is George W. Bush’s “yellow cake” line at his State of the Union address…

Note that the “You Lie” is in Democratic blue, and it’s coming from the Democratic side of the aisle. Probably from Dennis Kucinich, but you can pretend it’s from anyone.

Before you conservatives get all upset at your Whiggy Tease R&D team, may we offer this coaster?

Yes, it’s Bill Clinton’s famous finger-waving “I did not have nasty and kinky relations with that woman” statement. The “You Lie” is now in Republican red, but careful observers will note that the balloon seems to be pointing at the exact spot where then First Lady Hillary Clinton was standing.

Next, it’s the most famous convention speech lie that our R&D team could think of last night…

That’s right, it’s George Herbert Walker Bush asking you to read his lips, as they’re promising “No New Taxes.”

Next is Richard Nixon…

… telling you that the American people have the right to know whether or not their President is a crook. “Well,” he vowed, “I’m not a crook.” How did that turn out?

So, we could go on and on like that. But we chose not to.

Instead, we decided to explore inappropriate heckling at speeches where politicians were giving a nice, honest speech. How would history have been altered by someone screaming “You lie” at, say, the Gettysburg address…

Or, William Jenning Bryan’s “Cross of Gold” speech in 1896?
What about the Patrick Henry “Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death” speech in 1775?
Perhaps FDR’s “Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself” inaugural address?
You understand why these are on coasters, to be enjoyed by people drinking beer, right?

Finally, the favorite coaster of the Whiggy Tease team is of President Kennedy’s speech at the Berlin Wall…

… because he is being heckled in German.

Buy one, or buy the whole set of coasters. What’s important is that you buy right now. All of the coasters are available in our “Ripped from the Headlines” department of our “Modern Politics” store.

But what if you don’t have a bar in your basement? Or what if you don’t have friends over for coffee often? What need do you have for coasters, even coasters so insanely awesome as these?

Did we mention they’re TILE coasters? So, in theory, you could retile your bathroom with them, or perhaps spruce up the tile backsplash in your kitchen.

By the way, these coasters are dishwasher safe.

That’s not a lie.