All dressed up and nowhere to go. Happy Furlough Day!

It’s better than layoffs. It’s better than layoffs.

When you know you’re going to work tomorrow, perhaps you like to put out your clothes the night before. You’ll take the time to pick out something sharp. Or at least something that comes close to matching and isn’t all that wrinkled.

But what do you do when the sucky economy… or other factors… means that tomorrow you aren’t going to work because you have a furlough day? What the hell are you going to wear then?

For those who don’t work for the government or the private sector, a furlough day is a day you don’t have to go to work (whooo), but you aren’t getting paid (boooo).

So, it’s not like an earned vacation day, where you have the money to go out and have some real fun. Sure, it ain’t unemployment – but it ain’t fun. It’s kind of like Temporary Purgatory.

Let’s return to the original question. It’s your furlough day – what are you going to wear?

Whiggy Tease feels your pain. We hear your question, and here is our answer…

Yes. It’s the official Whiggy Tease Furlough Day line. Buy it now in our Misc. Nonsense store, and wear it every time you have a furlough day.

Say you’re home on a Monday. The Nosy Retired Neighbor Next Door will wonder why you’re home on a Monday, doing something peculiar like cutting the lawn at 7 AM. The shirt gives him the answer – you’re not unemployed, you’re not on vacation, you have a furlough day.

The red type warns him to stay away. The cartoony bad word replacement makes it crystal clear that you don’t think a furlough day is a good thing. Despite the word “happy” on the shirt.

Now, we suggested there is a “line” of furlough wear. That’s an exaggeration. This item only comes in one color – bright yellow. The color of caution. After you wear it a few times, folks will recognize it just from the bright yellow color.

Wear it while you’re cutting your lawn. Wear it when you’re grocery shopping at 10 AM, or seeing a weekday matinee of “Jennifer’s Body.”

Or wear it to your favorite watering hole. Your beloved bar probably opens earlier than you think. You wouldn’t know, of course, because you’re usually at work.

It’s better than layoffs. It’s better than layoffs.

There’s no place like home.

We didn't become Internet Millionaires without listening to our customers.

There are several things we aren’t wild about hearing before we’ve had our third cup of coffee in the morning. “Do you smell something burning?” is one of them.

“No, I don’t have the baby. I thought YOU had the baby,” is another good one.

But following closely behind is “I need to talk to you urgently.”

That’s what your Whiggy Tease founder heard early this morning. It was followed by the phrase, “We have an idea for a shirt.”

It was followed by the more important, “Design it and we’ll buy it.”

Look, we didn’t become Internet Millionaires without listening to our customers.

The customer’s idea was based on something she saw in a bar. Or on a bus, or maybe it was something she had a dream about. Again, we hadn’t had our third cup of coffee yet. Anyway, the t-shirt saying was “Save the Earth! It’s the only planet with chocolate.”

Clever.

We like it because it’s a hippy message with a bait and switch. You expect “Save the Earth” to be followed with something about recycling. Or composting. Or cap and trade, or loving each other. But “it’s the only planet with chocolate” is clever and unexpected, and it appeals to chocoholics which is a market that Whiggy Tease is yet to tap into.

Until, of course, our Chocolate William Howard Tafts come out in April.

So, here it is, on sale now in the Display Window of “Misc. Nonsense.”

This led to follow up conversations. “I know! ‘It’s the only planet with bacon.’”

I know this to not be true, but I know a lot of people who like bacon, so …

This leads to the next one, and there certainly is an audience for it...

We might do one that says “football,” but we’ll save that for another day.

Or what about this? “Save the Earth! It’s the only planet with coffee.”

Michael McDonald does not control our sales plan.

If the smell of clove cigarettes wasn’t distinctive enough, the click-click of stiletto heels against cold marble was a dead giveaway. It was The Accountant, marching towards our office.

Click-click, past Human Resources at our Whiggy Tease World Headquarters. Click-click past the Focus Group room, and click-click past Research & Development. The clicking was getting faster, and that could only mean The Accountant was mad, as she usually is.

“You boys aren’t aware of what time it is,” she rasped. “I’ll tell you what freaking time it is.

“It’s Christmas time.”

According to The Accountant, last night on QVC, Michael McDonald was pitching his new Christmas album. “If Michael McDonald is ready for Christmas, why the hell aren’t we?”

Here’s the thing, and now we’re addressing not only our accountant but the entire Whiggy Tease Nation… we are ready.

Whiggy Tease has been planning for Christmas since June. We have our line of Christmas items all ready to go. But we’re going to roll them out on our schedule, not Michael McDonald’s schedule.

If Bob Seeger was out working on his Christmas moves, that’d be one thing. But he’s not. Trust us.

Look, our Christmas line is coming. Soon. But not until Labor Day. Stay cool, real cool, save your money and we’ll deal with a Whiggy Tease Christmas at the proper time.

James Traficant is getting out of prison and you have nothing to wear.

On September 2nd, James Traficant is getting out of prison. And you have nothing to wear.

If you’re a Traficant fan living in the Mahoning Valley, or for that matter any place on Earth, you’ll want to dress up for James Traficant Freedom Day.

Have we got the item for you…

Sure, there are other t-shirts out there you can buy. They’re nice enough, we guess. But if you want to look sharp for Jimbo’s Big Day, you’ll want something special. The Whiggy Tease line appeals to Traficant’s love of Star Trek.

And notice the loving detail that went into this item. At first glance, it might just look like a silhouette of a man, but if you look closer at the guy’s hair, you’ll notice that it is unmistakably James Traficant.

There are shirts available, in all sizes. There are also mouse pads, posters, water bottles and travel mugs. In fact, we're so confident you'll love this Traficant design that we're slapping it on products we don't even understand.

But you need to shop right now in the Free James Traficant store. Because this line will be discontinued on September 3rd.

THE swag marked down for back to school, first football game, homecoming, etc.

There’s a lovely enough school in Columbus that used to be known as Ohio State University. For the last decade or so, they’ve taken to calling themselves The Ohio State University.

There’s an even better school in Northwest Ohio that up until very recently has been known as Bowling Green State University. But if the Buckeyes can have a “The,” we here at Whiggy Tease reckon the home of the Fighting Falcons should have one as well.

So, from now on, it’s The Bowling Green State University.

As you may know by now, there is “official” the swag – t-shirts, clocks, buttons, undergarments, etc. We’ve also added some brand new merchandise. But you may not know, it’s all on sale right now. Click here to go directly to THE merchandise center at the Whiggy Tease store at CafePress.

One of the many THE items, as modeled by our Lovely Spokesmodel.

It’s on sale to celebrate the start of The Bowling Green State University’s fall semester. It’s on sale so you can wear it to the first home football game, or homecoming, or for your first visit to Ground for Thought or Howard’s Club H.

Or, all you alumni can just wear it around wherever it is you live now.

This sale can’t last. We here at Whiggy Tease can’t sell forever at these prices. So buy now.

You can fight fashion. Join the anti-brown pants movement now.

Here’s a little something for you Cleveland Browns fans. The rest of you can just shop in the “Historical Stuff” section until this blows over...

The Eric Mangini Era for the Cleveland Browns has gotten off to an ugly start.

Yes, tonight in Land of Unfermented Cheese, the Browns are wearing those hideous brown pants again. They’re not only ugly, but last year they were proven to cause serious injuries to our players. Just as bad, they go against the proud (well, mostly proud) history of the Cleveland Browns.

The Browns should be in white pants with the traditional orange and brown piping, period.

“Oh well,” you say. “What can you do?”

Oh, we’ll tell you what you can do. You can fight fashion… with more fashion.

Yes, it’s the Whiggy Tease line of NO BROWN PANTS swag. There are shirts (here's just one example) …

There are buttons…

And there are stickers…

Buy now, and wear them non-stop until the Browns come to their fashion senses.

While you’re shopping in the "Misc. Nonsense" section where we put all the sports stuff, you might want to pick up one of our THE WAITING IS THE HARDEST PART items…

Yes, get the pain out of your heart and on to your chest where everyone can see it.

Despite the ugly pants... Go Browns! And start shopping.

The Manifest Destiny of Whiggy Tease? More Polk swag!

We here at Whiggy Tease want to give you, our beloved customers, what you want. We also want to give you what your children want. Turns out, your kids want James K. Polk swag.

Who knew?

Not us, at least not right away. But we know now.

How popular was our initial line of James K. Polk stuff? So popular that there are kids who are planning on wearing their Polk stuff on the first day of kindergarten. This is very much true. It’s the most important day of their young life, and they want to dress in Whiggy Tease’s Polk clothing.

This Polk line is money. Well, actually the newly expanded James K. Polk line is money…

Yes, James K. Polk has his own dollar coin this year. We love the gold dollar coins with the Presidents, your kids love James K. Polk – this is clearly a match made in heaven. Visit the Polk store for all the new items. Here’s just a small sample of what you’ll find there:

The Polk baby one-piece…

The Polk yellow shirt…

Now, what if your kid has one of the old Polk shirts and you think it would be silly to get him or her another one?

Well, you can get your kid a Polk button…

Or, imagine this. Your kid has a birthday party coming up, and you’re not sure what to put in the goody bag. Well, the Polk button comes in packs of 10 or even 100. Send all the kids home with Polk buttons.

Your kid will be learning to tell time soon, right? Or maybe he already knows to tell time. Well, he needs a clock…

Yes, James K. Polk can teach your child how to tell time. We bet he can do it in just one term.

But wait, there’s more.

That’s right. It’s the James K. Polk Dollar Coin Christmas Tree Ornament.

Operators are standing by.